I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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