Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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