she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
