he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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