they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
