I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
