I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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