we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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