no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
