Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need moral support for this bender
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
