The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
