I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
