Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
