the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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