I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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