Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
