I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
