TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
