you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
