Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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