i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
