A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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