somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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