I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
