youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
