Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
