I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
