Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
