if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
