so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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