Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
