wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
