So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
