Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
