Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
