You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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