The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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