I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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