If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
