I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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