I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
