Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
