My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my poor anus
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
