"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize