Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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