I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
