My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
