It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
