My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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