This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
