there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
