I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
