He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
