The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
