This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
