Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
