I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
