Just invented taco cereal.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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