my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
