Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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