a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
