turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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