soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So squirting runs in the family.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
