Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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