I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
