Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize