did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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