thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
