I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
