Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
