you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
