I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
