I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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